NO!

Do you find yourself overwhelmed with all the things you have committed and said yes to? Learn how to say NO!

Research shows that 35 – 60% of people struggle saying no to others. The reasons vary from self-doubt and lack of boundaries to how you have been brought up as a child, leading to stress, burnout, and resentment of the people around you.

Feeling better about your connections, feeling anxiety and stress free, living as your authentic self, having your needs met. These are just some of the benefits of setting boundaries and learning how to say No! Saying No is actually the best thing you can do for yourself and your life, and by saying no, you are taking control of your life, your time, and your energy.

When is the right time to say no?

·         When you are overwhelmed i.e. do not have the time or finances available to fit something into your schedule

·         When you do not have the energy with all that is on your plate currently.

·         When something does not add value to your life

·         When someone is trying to guilt trip and gaslight you into saying yes

·         When you are being used

·         When something more important to you requires your energy and attention

·         When you are saying yes just to please someone

·         When you need time to rest and recharge

·         When a request does not align with your values

·         When saying yes depletes your mental well-being

If any of the above apply, and you do not feel good about saying yes, then it is the perfect time to say no. When you do say no, remember to not feel guilty about it either. At first you might, and you may struggle with it a bit, but with more practice you will comfortably be saying no in no time.

Saying no is a part of setting and maintaining healthy boundaries that form part of taking care of yourself.

There are 5 types of boundaries, namely:

1.       Financial –  e.g. Not loaning your money to people who never pay you back.

2.       Emotional – e.g. Deciding what and how much to share with a partner and/or friend.

3.       Sexual – e.g. Being uncomfortable with sexual comments made towards you by a friend, colleague, or acquaintance.

4.       Physical -  e.g. Not wanting PDA (Public Displays of Affection) from your partner.

5.       Intellectual – e.g. Not appreciating your ideas and beliefs being dismissed.

The easiest way to set and maintain healthy boundaries is to:

·         Check in with yourself regularly

·         Be clear (with yourself) about why having a particular boundary is important to you

·         Be consistent with your boundaries

·         Set the boundaries early on in the relationship/connection

·         Communicate when your boundaries are crossed

·         Make self-care an important part of your schedule

We’ve looked at the different kinds of boundaries,  why it is important to say no and set boundaries, how to set boundaries and when to do it. Now let’s have a look at the best and easiest ways to say no.

·         Firstly, practice saying no

o   I appreciate your offer but…

o   It would be my pleasure to join you but..

o   I cannot buy that right now but I can share your link/product on my page

o   I’m currently working on a time sensitive projective so I can’t right now..

·         Be clear about your decision to say no (so do not beat about the bush)

o   My schedule is full so unfortunately I’ll have to pass

·         Be respectful but assertive

o   Thank you but I’d like to pass this time.

·         Do not overexplain

o   That is not something I am interested in at the moment, so I’ll pass, thanks.

·         Express gratitude for being considered

o   Thank you for thinking of me but I am already booked for that day.

·         Take the time to think if you need to think about it before you make a decision

o   Can I get back to you in a day or two?

·         Never lie about the reason for your decision

·         Do not feel the need to apologize

o   I cannot commit to that at the moment, you may offer the opportunity to someone else.

·         If you can, suggest an alternative

o   I’m not available on that day but I can find out who is in my department

You can say no and set boundaries without being rude and without feeling bad. You can gain autonomy and feel good about not stretching yourself too thin, not compromising your mental & physical health, your time, your finances, your happiness, or your authenticity.

Go out there, take your power back, and start saying NO & setting healthy boundaries!

Coach Nomie, Take Control x