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Describe Yourself in 5 Words...


Remember those icebreakers where you had to describe yourself ?

How is it that you would describe yourself right now?

Where do those words and ideas about yourself come from?

Are they true?...


Your self-concept is how you see and describe yourself. Our self esteem is made up of our:

  • self concept

  • self perceptions

  • personality

  • behaviour

  • abilities

Our self-esteem is a reflection of the messages we are constantly receiving from our environment over time about these things. What have your relationships (since childhood) reiterated to you about your worth, about your abilities, about your limitations, about your beliefs, behaviour, and personality?

Do these reflect your actual reality, who you know yourself to be?

Are you honest or are you rude and tactless? Is your partner's choice to leave really coming out of nowhere or are you self-sabotaging? Is that friend right in saying you overreact or are they just failing to respect your boundaries and are getting defensive because their bad behaviour is being called out?


When you have healthy self-esteem you feel worthy and safe to experience new and wonderful things, to learn and grow, to be whoever and whatever you want to be, you do not feel the pressure of trying to be what you are not in order to fit in.

Your risk of stress, anxiety, addiction, and depression is also lowered greatly.



There is, however, such a thing as overly high self-esteem. Here's what that looks like:
arrogance
feeling superior to others
entitlement
being judgemental
projection

There is a fine line between being confident and being arrogant. In trying to avoid being arrogant, being "too much", and taking up too much space, we sometimes shrink ourselves. We all face moments of doubt, moments of uncertainty, moments where we need that push, that support, that encouragement.

However, when this is our constant state of being, our constant state of existence, then it starts to become an issue, it starts to affect how we see and feel about ourselves, what we think we deserve, and our general perception and perspective.


Here is what Low self-esteem looks like:

Assuming the worst case scenario/outcome

There's no chance I will get that job (even if you clearly are qualified,experienced, and fit all the requirements).

Assuming responsibility for things which are in fact not your responsibility

To the point of feeling guilt and shame unnecessarily.

Overgeneralizing

One negative thing or something which does not go according to plan automatically means that nothing ever works out for you and never will.

Looking for negatives and converting positives into negatives

Rejecting all the positive facts, experiences, and achievements, and instead finding something negative in the entire situation, to the point of making excuses for your achievements (Oh it must be dumb luck, it must be some mistake).


These intrusive thoughts and negative self-concepts are not who you really are, they do not actually reflect your abilities, and they do not determine or dictate your worthiness nor do they your future.


We have taken a look at overly high self esteem, as well as low self-esteem. Both of these are pretty unhealthy.


Here is what a healthy self-concept and self-esteem looks like:


  • You have no fear of failure and you open yourself up to beautiful experiences and opportunities

You take risks

  • You are confident in your ability to make sound decision

You do not rely on the evaluations and opinions of others

  • You are resilient

You are confident in your capabilities, and abilities to handle anything that comes your way (challenges, stress, setbacks).

  • You are assertive

You easily and confidently express your thoughts, opinions, and needs.

  • You are realistic

You have reasonable expectations of others and of yourself.

  • You have a positive view of yourself

You see yourself in a positive light.

  • You form healthy relationships

You have the capacity to form healthy, honest, secure, relationships as well as the self-esteem to cut off or end unhealthy and toxic ones.


How do you get yourself to healthy self-esteem land? Read on...

  • Learn to forgive yourself

We all make mistakes and perfection is the enemy of happiness, progress, and success.

  • Avoid making comparisons

Your journey is unlike any one else's, the only person you should compete with is your old self.

  • Challenge negative thinking patterns

Replace them with positive facts which dispute them like accepting and acknowledging your strengths, separating your negative feelings from actual facts, accepting compliments, looking for the positives.

  • Take risks

Try new things, learn a new skill, go on an adventure,

  • Practice positive affirmations

Get yourself used to thinking and saying positive things about yourself

  • Get some outside help

Get some professional coaching or therapy to get sustainable long-term tools.


Coach Nomie, Take Control x



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